Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
