I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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