he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
