Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
