I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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