my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
