he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
