im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize