And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
