I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
