I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
