I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
