Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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