Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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