I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry about my life...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
