I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
