you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
