u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
