bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
