yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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