I cockslap morals
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
