I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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