I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize