she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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