Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
