He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
