Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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