I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
