yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
