...so i touched it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
