Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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