I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
