I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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