i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
