I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So here I am, sexting at work.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
