Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
