She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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