is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
