The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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