I want to have your abortion
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I supernannyed him into submission
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
