Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
