definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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