My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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