I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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