he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
