Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
