Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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