i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
