Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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