U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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