woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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