peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize