Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
