did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She's the barista slut.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
