This is not my ceiling
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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