I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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