Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
