i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
