Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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