I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
last night I used snow as a chaser
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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