what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
