If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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