Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
