what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Life is so much better after having sex.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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