My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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