i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
