Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want nice things and good sex
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
